You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
