Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
