Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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