it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
