And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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