i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
