I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
