I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
