she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
