my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize