That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
