im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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