There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
