At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
