i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
