Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
