just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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