Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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