I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
