you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize