Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
