guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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