I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
