Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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