Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
