Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize