3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
