My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
