So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
