you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
