I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
