I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
