After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
