Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
