Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
