Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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