i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
