Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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