WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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