She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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