you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
