i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Come on in and take your pants off
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