I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Randomize
