I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A+ Viking dick
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