I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
