No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
