When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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