How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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