I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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