It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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