It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
