dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
