And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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