Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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