nutella sex= disaster
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
