i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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