Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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