I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
