Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize