My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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