I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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