I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I FOUND THE LEGS
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