He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
