When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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