oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
