The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
