my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
