I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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