I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
