dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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