'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
