you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
