kristin has been a bad kristin
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
