she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
